Wisdom Of The Rooms - 2022

[bluidkiti]

August 1

Quote of the Week

"Faith is spelled a-c-t-i-o-n."

I did a lot of thinking when I was drinking. I’d think about how bad my life was and how things weren’t going to get any better. As I kept drinking, I thought about all the things I could do, and after a few more drinks, I thought about how good I’d feel if I did them. After a while, I stopped thinking, couldn’t remember where I was, and I entered oblivion. Finally, I had some peace from thinking—until I came to. Then it all started again.

When I got sober, I started to wear my sponsor out with all the things I was thinking. They say early recovery is a roller-coaster ride: first up with newfound hope and possibility, then down with regret and remorse. I took along for the ride anyone who would listen to me. After a while, my sponsor directed me into the Big Book and showed me there was a chapter called “Into Action,” not “Into Thinking.”

What I discovered about my thinking was that the majority of it was based on fear. My sponsor showed me that the way out of fear was through faith in a Higher Power, and the way to cultivate that was by taking action. “Fake it until you make it,” I heard over and over again. “Do the things you would do if you had faith, and suddenly you will find that you do,” was another. So I got into action, and my life changed. Even today, I remember to feel the fear, but to take the action anyway. And every time I do, things get better, opportunities open up, and my Higher Power shows me the way.

[bluidkiti]

August 8

Quote of the Week

"I’m glad that what’s going on in my head isn’t happening in my life."

I don’t know why, but my perception of my life is always different—and worse—than the reality of what is happening in my life. I can simply be in line at Starbucks, but my head is elsewhere and it’s all bad. I’m thinking the line is so slow, and I’ll be late to work; the coffee won’t be hot enough, and the traffic afterward will be horrible, and I’ll miss that big deal, and then I’ll lose my job and join the rest of the world of the unemployed in the Second Great Depression. And this is all happening while in line getting coffee!

When I heard today’s quote, I began to understand what they mean when they say that alcoholism is a disease of perception. My best thinking used to get me into trouble, and even in recovery the distortion of my thoughts can easily make me restless, irritable, and discontented. That’s why I must rely on my Higher Power and the program to constantly restore me to sanity.

These days, I’ve learned to run my thinking by others in the fellowship and to turn my fears over to God. I now listen less to my thoughts, and instead I pay attention to the reality of my life in the present moment. When I do this, I’m able to appreciate the miracle my life is today, and I’m able to enjoy the serenity I have access to, no matter where my thoughts are or what I’m doing. Today, I’m grateful that what’s going on in my head isn’t happening in my life.

[bluidkiti]

August 15

Quote of the Week

"I usually want justice only for myself."

When I was new in the program, I was filled with self-pity and resentful at how unfair life was. I pointed fingers at all the people, places, and things that had done me wrong and asked where the justice was. “Why aren’t people making amends to me?” I asked. “What about all the hard times I have endured through the years?” I bemoaned to anyone who would listen. “There is no justice in the world,” I said. “If life were fair, then things would be better.” I truly believed this.

One day an old-timer confronted me and asked me if I really wanted the world to be fair. I indignantly said, “Yes!” He looked at me and told me he was thankful life wasn’t fair, because if it was, then he would be in prison for some of the things he had done. He looked me straight in the eye and asked me where I would be if life were truly fair. That shut me up.

What I’ve come to realize now is that none of us are saints. We’ve all acted the best we could, given our awareness and where we stood at the time. And I’ve learned that there is something more important than justice, and that is forgiveness. It’s much easier to be self-righteous than it is to practice love and tolerance, but that is the path to freedom and serenity. I now recognize the selfishness in wanting justice for myself, and instead I pray for the knowledge of God’s will and the power to carry that out. And what I get is much more than justice. I get serenity.

[bluidkiti]

August 22

Quote of the Week

"Pain is necessary; misery is optional."

For years, I used alcohol to try to avoid the pain in my life. Whether it was emotional pain caused by relationships, financial pain caused by poor job choices, physical pain, or spiritual or even mental anguish, drinking was my way out. The problem was when I came to the next day, my problems were still there, and now I also had misery as well. Not only did I fret and worry about my problems all over again, but I had new ones because of the actions I had taken while loaded.

When I came into the program, I thought the Steps might somehow teach me how to avoid pain in my life. I magically thought that because I was now being good and trying to get spiritual, that somehow my life would be free of pain. Delusional, I know, but we alcoholics are a grandiose lot. Besides dealing with all the pain I had and had caused, I also found that life was still in session. And a part of life includes pain. Somehow this revelation shocked me a bit.

What I also learned, however, is that there is a huge difference between pain and misery. While pain is inevitable, misery—caused by how much I dwell on the pain, what I choose to do about it, how I decide to handle it—is optional. The program and the Steps have given me many ways to release the misery I used to hold on to, and it gave me so much more. It taught me the true purpose of pain: that pain is the touchstone of growth, and that after pain there is recovery. Today, I recognize pain as an opportunity to grow, and that creating misery is optional.

[bluidkiti]

August 29

Quote of the Week

"Don’t take yourself so **** seriously!"

When I came into the program, everything was a big deal, and I was very serious. My finances, my future, and my wrecked relationships—everything was overwhelming. I remember attending meetings and hearing the laughter and thinking, What’s so **** funny? The only reason we’re here is because our lives suck! It took me quite a while before I could join in with that laughter, and the moment I did, my life began to change.

As I got further into the program, that sense of impending doom began to dissipate, and I felt like I could breathe again. The secrets and shame I had hidden for so long began to come out, and as I shared with others what was inside me, I began to feel lighter. I began to laugh more at myself and with others, and I finally began to feel human and a part of life again. Most of all, I started to realize what was truly important.

Today, I know that the future will take care of itself if I take care of today. I now have faith that there is a God working in my life, and that even if things don’t go my way, that it’s not only okay, it often turns out for the better. Today, money isn’t as important as relationships, and the only things that really matter are health and sobriety. I’ve learned to live life on life’s terms and, most of all, not to take myself so **** seriously.

[bluidkiti]

September 5

Quote of the Week

"If you’re looking for an easier, softer way, there are no other directions."

In the past, there was only one way to do things—my way. I was convinced I had all the answers, knew the right way, and thought that because I did, life would be easy. I believed I would be happy if everybody would just obey my commands. After years of bullying my way through life and manipulating others to get what I wanted, I was finally brought to my knees and admitted defeat.

When I began working the program, I was told it was the easier, softer way, but it sure didn’t feel like it at first. There were Steps, commitments, honest inventories, lots of feelings, and new ways of acting and interacting with others. In the beginning, I rebelled mightily against this new way of life and often longed to, and sometimes did, revert back to old ways of thinking and acting. And each time I did, my life became unmanageable once again.

As I persevered and worked the Steps, something miraculous happened: I changed. As I changed, this new way of life actually began working for me. After a while, the Twelve Steps and the principles of the program became the life manual I had always wanted but had been unsuccessful in writing for myself. One day I realized that I had found the easier, softer way, and now I had the directions I had always longed for.

[bluidkiti]

September 12

Quote of the Week

"We never know the difference between a tragedy and a blessing."

When I got sober, I thought it was the worst tragedy ever. First, I thought, I could never go to Europe again? I mean who could enjoy England without going into a pub and having a pint? And can you imagine a café in Paris without a glass of wine? And how about all those special times anywhere, like New Year’s Eve, weddings, weekend parties? Everybody would be drinking and enjoying themselves, and I would be stuck in a corner alone and hating it. Tragedy? The enjoyment of the rest of my life seemed gone for good.

As I worked the Steps in recovery, I began taking inventories of my career of drinking and using. What emerged wasn’t a pattern of drinking like other people and enjoying parties, but of getting drunk, blacking out, and engaging in humiliating behaviors. During my last trip to Paris, I realized all I wanted to do was drink red wine, not visit museums or monuments. I even sent a postcard to my best friend saying I should have just stayed home, bought a case of French wine, and saved myself the $3,000 it took to travel. After remaining sober a few years, though, a new pattern developed; I began enjoying life in a rich and meaningful way.

What started out as a tragedy—getting sober—has turned out to be the biggest blessing of my life. My life today is indescribably better than I could have ever hoped for. And what it all comes down to is that, today, I try to do God’s will rather than my own. My wife and I now look at things differently. When something doesn’t work out the way we hoped, we now ask, “Is that a bad thing?” Instead of getting upset that we didn’t get our way, we now wait to see what God has in store for us. So many times, what ends up happening is much better than what we had in mind. Today, I have the wisdom to look beyond a seeming tragedy and look for the blessing instead.

[bluidkiti]

September 19

Quote of the Week

"Prayer might not change things for you, but it changes you for things."

One of the things I love about the program of recovery are God shots. God shots are when things happen—consequences, chance meetings, happenings, or hearing the right things—just when you need them most. The magical thing is that they often fulfill a need you had but weren’t even aware of. Working a spiritual program tunes you in to these wonderful moments, and the more you open yourself up to them, the more they appear. They are one of the ongoing gifts of sobriety.

I heard this quote the night before I was to have surgery, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. I had been managing my anxiety pretty well, but when it came to the night before, I was starting to imagine the worst. For some reason, I had forgotten to pray about it that day, and so fear had pushed upon me the responsibility for how the surgery would go and what the recovery would be like. The scenarios I was painting were pretty black.

And then I checked my email and got this God shot. Someone had sent this quote to me, and suddenly everything was in perspective again. I immediately prayed and asked God to restore me to sanity around my surgery, and I turned the results over to Him. As soon as I was done, I felt the familiar peace I’ve come to know from talking to God. Nothing had changed about the surgery, but everything had changed in me. As I went to sleep that night, I said another prayer of thanks: for my recovery, for my relationship with my Higher Power, and for the God shot I received just when I needed it.

[bluidkiti]

September 26

Quote of the Week

"The only thing worse than my problems are my solutions to them."

I used to think I had all the answers when I was drinking, so I couldn’t understand why my life wasn’t getting better despite what I did to fix it. If my boss was a jerk, I’d quit. If my girlfriend wasn’t paying attention to me, I’d go out with someone else. If my landlord didn’t like it when I was late with the rent, I’d move. No matter what I tried, things only seemed to get worse.

When I began working the program, I told my sponsor all about my problems. He listened for a while and then asked me how good of an employee, boyfriend, and renter I had been. At first, I was insulted, but then he told me to carefully write about each problem focusing only on my part. Well . . . that certainly opened my eyes.

After many thorough inventories, what I’ve found is that all my problems start with me. And I’ve come to see that the reason my solutions make them worse is that they are driven by the same selfishness or self-centered fear that caused them to begin with. Today, the only solutions that work start by acknowledging where I’ve been at fault, and end with a sincere desire and offer to make amends. Because of this, I have solutions that make my life better.

[bluidkiti]

October 3

Quote of the Week

"Take the mess to your sponsor, take the message to the meeting."

A friend in recovery shared something once that I’ve never forgotten. He was newly married and struggling with the transition from living alone for many years as a bachelor. His therapist suggested that rather than trying to process his uncomfortable emotions with his new bride, he should, instead, bring his problems into therapy, and then bring the solutions back to the relationship. I thought that was just brilliant advice.

And it was definitely not how I was used to living my life. Before recovery, if I had a problem (and I had many), everyone heard about them. I would bemoan the state of my life to anyone within earshot, and if you were the cause of my stress, I talked endlessly behind your back. My ultimate solution was to get drunk, but when I came to, none of these problems had gone away. Instead, I often had just made them worse. I needed a better solution.

When I entered the rooms, I thought I had found one. In each meeting I went to, I began sharing how bad my life was, how it was everyone else’s fault, and how the Twelve Steps probably wouldn’t help me. My new sponsor pulled me aside early on and suggested I share this mess with him, one on one, and then bring any solutions I found back to the meetings. That worked much better. Today, I go to meetings and listen to other people’s solutions to the problems I may be struggling with. I always hear them if I’m willing to listen.

[bluidkiti]

October 10

Quote of the Week

"Am I interfering in the experience God wants others to have?"

Before I entered our sister program of Al-Anon, I always thought I knew what was best for everyone. I spent a lot of time working behind the scenes trying to control and manipulate situations and people. I was sure that if only I could get you to do what was right, then I could help you avoid getting hurt, and both your life and mine would be better.

After years of this exhausting strategy, I dragged myself into the program and surrendered. Not only were others not taking my advice, but I was growing even more miserable than I was making them. When I asked my sponsor what was wrong with trying to protect those I loved, he told me that denying people the dignity of learning and growing from their own experience never helped anyone. Furthermore, all I was really doing was interfering in the experience God wanted them to have.

It took me many years to understand the truth and wisdom in those words. I now know that we each have our own path and our own Higher Power. I realize that my job is to try to improve my own life, set a healthy example, and love others unconditionally. Today, I’ve learned that all experiences are teachers and that it’s up to each of us to learn our own lessons. My job is to share my own experience and support if and when I am asked.

[bluidkiti]

October 17

Quote of the Week

"If God had made today perfect, there would be no tomorrow."

As an alcoholic, I have a lot of black-and-white thinking. Things are either all right or they are all wrong—there is very little in between. Before I got sober, this kind of thinking was a big handicap in my life. If I didn’t do something perfectly, then I considered myself a failure that day, and for all the days in the future as well. If something didn’t go right, I just gave up and became resentful. By the end of my drinking, I learned to not even try anymore.

When I entered recovery and looked at the Twelve Steps for the first time, I secretly gave myself thirty days to do them. If they didn’t work, then I was going back out. When I finally got a sponsor, he told me we would work a Step a month. “What?” was my reaction. He asked me how long I had been drinking, and I told him years. He told me I didn’t get to my bottom in thirty days and that I wouldn’t recover that quickly either. He told me to consider sobriety as “slow-briety.”

As I worked through the Steps, one of the defects of character I discovered that I had was perfectionism. As I slowly wrote a fearless and thorough Fourth Step inventory, I realized I hid behind the unrealistic ideal of perfection to escape the messy and difficult work of progress. When my sponsor pointed out that in the program we strive for “progress not perfection,” it released me from my obsession and allowed me to grow, to keep trying, and to value and appreciate the progress I was making. I finally learned that if I failed today, I could learn from it and try again tomorrow. I’m glad God didn’t make today perfect, and I’m grateful for all the tomorrows I still have.

[bluidkiti]

October 24

Quote of the Week

"If I’m okay with me, I have no need to make you wrong."

One of the biggest gifts I’ve been given in recovery is the ability to pause when I’m feeling anxious, angry, or judgmental and ask myself what I’m afraid of. Just today as I was driving, I found that I was taking all the other drivers’ inventories. That guy was driving too fast; she was making an illegal U-turn; that guy was driving like an idiot and should be locked up. Suddenly a wonderful awareness came over me, and I stopped and did a quick fear inventory. Within minutes I was restored to sanity, and once again my focus was where it should have been—on my own driving.

It didn’t always used to be this way. For years, whenever I was feeling out of sorts, I looked outside of myself for the cause. There was always someone not doing things my way, or someone acting worse than I was, and it was easy to point out their faults to make myself feel better. Needless to say, I had more resentments than friends, and when I entered the program I was angry and alone.

What I’ve learned in recovery is that whenever I’m feeling irritable, restless, or discontented, it is always because I’m in self-centered fear and spiritually disconnected from my Higher Power. The ability to recognize this has literally changed my life, and today I use the tools of the program to self-soothe and to live comfortably in my own skin. Today, if I’m okay with me, I have no need to make you wrong.

[bluidkiti]

October 31

Quote of the Week

"Does it feel sober?"

When I first got sober, the only thing that changed for me was that I no longer drank. Most everything else, though, remained the same. I still stole money at my job, cheated in my relationships, and lied to my family and myself. I still remember when I heard at a meeting, “How do you know when a newcomer is lying? When his lips are moving.” That hit home in a very uncomfortable way.

As I began navigating the new world of the program, I kept running into the phrase “rigorous honesty.” At first, I kept looking for ways around that, but as I did my various inventories—a fear inventory, a resentment inventory, a relationship inventory—I realized I had to finally get honest with myself if I was to have any chance at this recovery thing. It took a long time for me to overcome my tendency to be dishonest, but each time I told the truth, I felt much better.

In recovery, they say that you “grow a conscience.” I sure did. After a while, it got harder and harder to live with even little white lies, and I soon saw and felt the wisdom of being rigorously honest. Today, I know the path to freedom isn’t in getting what I want by lying; it’s in speaking my truth and being accepted for who I am. These days when I have a decision to make, I just ask myself, “Does it feel sober?” The answer that resonates the strongest with my conscience is the right one.

[bluidkiti]

November 7

Quote of the Week

"God cannot do for you what He cannot do through you."

I used to have the God thing all mixed up. My conception of God was that if I was good and behaved myself, then good things would happen for me. When I prayed, I prayed for the things I wanted, and then I waited for God to deliver. Toward the end of my drinking, I was usually praying to get out of one mess or another, and then promising to be better the next time. It rarely worked.

When I first heard this saying, I was several years in the program and I already understood the power of action. I knew from years of sober experience that I couldn’t just pray to have my life get better, but rather I had to add action and the right thought to my prayers. The old saying “When you pray, move your feet” took on a whole new meaning for me. I became much more efficient, and my life started to get better.

As the years go by, I live even more in the Eleventh Step, and as such I have discovered the deeper wisdom in this quote. Today, I understand and embrace God’s will for me: to be of maximum service to others. In this way, God can do for me what I could never do alone—and that is to heal and enrich both my life and that of others. Today, I truly know that God cannot do for you what He cannot do through you.