Chipping Away at Defects of Character

[MajestyJo]

Greed/Generous

Greed, taking and not willing to give back. They say if we aren't willing to give our sobriety away, we lose it. Generosity, the willingness to give to others. I found that by giving, I got back many times over. Not always from the same source, but my life was enriched as a result of being of service to others.

We all have different gifts. They are all special in their own way. They are made more special when shared with others. I firmly believe that I would not be sober in today, if I had not got involved in service early in recovery, first in my group, later in the fellowship, and then out of the rooms and into the community.

Just for today, I have an honest desire to stop drinking. My primary purpose is to carry the message of recovery. I am responsible when anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help. I am only half a handshake.

[MajestyJo]

Self-Pity/Self-Forgetting

Self-forgetting is good. As I said to a friend on the phone tonight, I can't let my pain rule my life. I have to do the do things, and if I don't, then I have to pay the consequences. I am given freedom of choice. If I hurt for two day, there is generally a good reason for it. I probably did something that was best left undone. If I don't have the acceptance, I stay stuck, no matter what it is. That applies to all areas of my life.

My sister use to get dramatic and place her palm outward on her forehead and say, "Oh woe is me!" We can be so hard done by sometimes, but I have found that when I feel this way, my God sends me someone who is much worse off than me.

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will remember to stay in the moment. It is not a 2-4 hour a day program, it is 24 hours.

[MajestyJo]

Anger/Self-Control

Anger is danger for sure. I sometimes don't realize it is there because I can still shut down, which is a good indicator that there is something I am angry or resentful about.

It is good to express it in a healthy way. A good indicator was always my mouth. When I listen to what my mouth is saying, it is often a real give-a-way to the fact that I am angry. It is like I should type in CAPS.

I am angry that I can't get rid of the swelling, not only in my feet and ankles, but in my whole body. I made cranberry tea, took cranberry pills (juice has too much sugar), drink water and am on a fluid pill. It is the swelling and pain in my feet that has kept me off the computer. They go up like balloons if I sit too long.

My control has to come from my Higher Power.

https://lydiacharlotte.wordpress.com...ns-exhaustive/

[MajestyJo]

Perceptive/Judgmental

So many times I forget that this is a disease of perception, and when I do, I find myself to be very judgmental. Not just of myself, but of others too.

I have often had to pray for inner truth and understanding and clarity of a situation, knowing that often I can see things as I would like them to be, rather than living in reality.

Many times, I have gone to read something and had blurred vision, not being able to see the words clearly on the page in front of me.

Many times, I go to speak something and my voice is crackly and I have a frog in my throat, and or start coughing.

Many times, I have started sneezing and get stuffed up when I am in denial about my own knowingness and don't want to 'smell' or seek out the truth.

This is knowingness on a metaphysical basis and has stood me in good stead over the last few years to become honest with myself.

think this is another thing that is right and wrong. I need to make good judgement for myself. I need to know what is good for me. What I don't have a right to do is pass my judgement onto others.

A certain amount of judgment is need for self-care, setting boundaries, self-worth and self-respect. I need to do onto others as I would do onto myself.

I use to beat myself up for being judgmental and making judgments of any kind. It stems from a false sense of pride, insecurity, and lack of trust in myself.

[MajestyJo]

Prompt/Procrastinating

Ironically, I didn't want to post this. Was here earlier and came back to find a topic and this one glared at me.

I have been very lax in getting my laundry and dishes done and always seem to be washing only to dirty more. Tonight I made banana muffins after I came home from my group, which made more dishes still.

Living in the day, in the moment I don't think is procrastinating. Being in the moment and ignoring and putting off what is in front of you most certainly is. I always say, "If I don't see it, it doesn't happen!" All too often, I seem to have a blind eye.

As a rule I am always early, I see being late as being disrespectful. Lately, I seem to be late for everything!

[MajestyJo]

Stubborn/Willing

Cancer is a terrible disease that eats away the body, mind, and spirit, just like our disease of alcoholism. Fortunately for us, we have daily reprieve through the use of the 12 Steps and the fellowship of AA and other programs.

I often have to pray for the willingness to be willing, when I find myself caught up in my own stubborn ways. I always have to remember Thy Will, not mine be done. So often, I find that God and I are not always on the same page.

[MajestyJo]

Self-Pity/Self-Forgetting

Grief isn't a short process that you can do and get it over with. It has many stages.

http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-...-of-grief.html

Self pity can be very isolating in and of itself. I remember hearing this phrase "Get off the cross, we need the wood" and thinking, "How sacrilegious!"

We need to acknowledge our feelings and allow ourselves to feel in order to be able to let go. It isn't just the death of a loved one, it also happens when there is change in our life and we don't recognize the symptoms because we don't recognize them as something that you THINK you should be grieving over. i.e. A change in job, a new home, a friend moves away, a favourite TV show cancelled, and the list goes on and on. Life on life's terms, many times I found things that I had to drink over and so many times, I drank to someone else's life without thought of my own, or because it was all about me, me, me, what about me.

I found the phrase, "What would Jesus do?" helpful in coming to a decision. It is always better to get out of self and help someone else.

[MajestyJo]

Honesty/Dishonesty

Remember recovery is a process and it is one day at a time. It is good to do Steps 4-9 on big issues in our life. I also do them when something from my past comes up and confronts me in today. I don't feel a Step 10 is big enough to encompass all, as it often involves others as well as myself, even if it happened, in my case 60-70 years ago.

As I like to say, "If I remember to take my God with me, how can things go wrong?" I found Step 5 to be very freeing.

Sometimes when things come up, it means the blanket of denial has been removed and I can finally get true self-honesty. In so many cases with me, I had buried things so deep, that it took them a while to surface. As I have shared before, when I quit smoking at 7 years sober, I found a lot of underlying emotions that I had never dealt with. They were the same emotions in the beginning 4th & 5th Steps, but a lot of abandonment, sadness, resentments, rejections, and blessing that I didn't see as such at the time, because when I blank out feelings, I blocked out the good as well as the not so good. I can't connect with my Higher Power when I have those barriers up.

[indyfedtech]

Just for today I will work on being relaxed and letting things heal on my body. This should also allow me to quit thinking about my pain and look for others in pain to comfort.

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will continue to pray for the willingness to be willing to participate in my life.

"There are no victims, only volunteers - you always have a choice."

- - unknown

Well I know that I am victorious over my disease. I am not always victorious over my defects of character because I am powerless without my Higher Power. Those I try to leave up to my Higher Power to change, to give me awareness, and knowing as to what I need to do find the acceptance, the right attitude, and action to bring it about.

Not a victim very often, although there are times that I feel as though I am being victimized. That was the story of my life and have no desire to go back there.

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will be grateful for God's wonderful gift of creation. I went out into the sunshine, even though it was a bit windy and a little chilly at 52 deg. F. Any day the sun shines is a good day!

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will be accepting of what is in the moment. Acceptance is the key to sobriety. I can be sober, but to find true sobriety, is a wondrous gift.

My spiritual adviser said that sobriety means "Soundness of Mind." Not always easy to come by, and to find it, I need to get out of my own way and allow my God to work in my life. This is a 24 hour a day program, not a 2-4 hour a day program.

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will sit in the silence and listen for the wisdom, vision and guidance my God has for me in today. I will still the internal chatter and get out of the way, so I can act in God's Way, not mine.

[MajestyJo]

You will grieve your friend for a long time, take a while to grieve her loss. Something that worked for me, was to find someone who had a few years less than I have, and I found that she really helped. Most of my sponsors had more. For many years, I have had a Native American woman as a co-sponsor. The one in my life today has 18 years in AA. My last AA sponsor had a year more in AA than I have but not close to her as she has an issue about relationship, has an eating disorder, and has gone to GA but continues to do scratch tickets. That is not the kind of sobriety I want for myself. I know I have stinking thinking when it comes to eating, the Food for Thought readings have helped me. I don't purge and/or not eat, unless I am sick. Lately, I put food on my plate and I have trouble eating it all. As they say, it isn't how much you use, it is about what it does to you when you pick up. Some people told me they spilled more than I drank, but that doesn't mean I am not an alcoholic. As I like to say, "Some is good, more is better," that is the way this addict has thought for years.