[bluidkiti]

March 26

Quote of the Week

“What’s the most loving thing I can do for myself today?"

My drinking career was filled with a series of self-destructive situations, actions, and events. When I was drinking, I didn’t like myself very much, and I didn’t care what happened or how much trouble I got into. Part of me even felt like I deserved bad things. Because I didn’t care about myself, I also didn’t care much what happened to you either. As my life caved in on itself, and my demoralization was complete, I hit my final bottom.

In the sober light of day, I began my Step work and explored my drinking years through the use of inventories. I uncovered some dark resentments, discovered the character defects that I used to deal with them, and eventually found a way to discard the old self that had been driven by the disease of alcoholism. The most painful part of that whole process was how much self-hatred I had for myself. Ultimately, what I learned is that the core characteristic of this disease is unrelenting self-loathing, and an unbelievable obsession for self-destruction.

The power of the Twelve Steps is that they have released me from this prison of hatred. By working through the layers of the disease – the shame, the complete incomprehensiveness of my feelings and actions – I finally arrived at the truth of who I really am – a child of a loving God. In my core, I am not the dark illusion of the disease, I am, instead, a beacon of God’s light. Today, I ask what the most loving thing I can do for myself is. Just the fact that I can ask that question evidences the profound change the program has made in my life.