Quote:
September 14, 2014
Secrets are reservations
Page 268
"Eventually we are shown that we must get honest, or we will use again."
Basic Text p.82
Everyone has secrets, right? Some of us have little secrets, items that would cause only minor embarrassment if found out. Some of us have big secrets, whole areas of our lives cloaked in thick, murky darkness. Big secrets may represent a more obvious, immediate danger to our recovery. But the little secrets do their own kind of damage, the more insidious perhaps because we think they're "harmless!'
Big or little, our secrets represent spiritual territory we are unwilling to surrender to the principles of recovery. The longer we reserve pieces of our lives to be ruled by self-will and the more vigorously we defend our "right" to hold onto them, the more damage we do. Gradually, the unsurrendered territories of our lives tend to expand, taking more and more ground.
Whether the secrets in our lives are big or little, sooner or later they bring us to the same place. We must choose-either we surrender everything to our program, or we will lose our recovery.
Just for Today: I want the kind of recovery that comes from total surrender to the program. Today I will talk with my sponsor and disclose my secrets, big or small.
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So very true. It is very scary, when you hear of people who have never done a 4th and 5th Step. You hear that people relapse after several years in recovery, and if you are fortunate enough to get to ask them, they will say I stopped going to meetings, I stopped working the Steps, and I didn't do a complete Step 4 and 5, or they never did them at all.
As we work through the Steps we heal, and as we heal we get new perception, honesty and insight, and it is an awakening, a new awareness, a process, and not a graduation. It is one day at a time. You have today, and anything that you have in today that is rooted in the past. My boyfriends got the sins of my two ex-husbands until I could work the steps, heal my feelings and deal with the trauma, pain, emotions, and hurts. I didn't know what love was, I just knew what it wasn't.