Good stuff! I was big on validation, needed it from outside because I could find none within myself. I have always been my own worst task master. I validated the self-abuse by saying, "I don't do or say anything that I wouldn't do for myself!" I do ask for feedback once in a while, I do think it is needed because often my perception can be off. It isn't an ego thing like it was before, but a look at where I am at, and do I need to change the direction I am heading. As much as I would like to think so, I am not always right. I don't always like criticism, but I think when it is given, it is up to me to decide whether it is good or bad. Everyone has their opinion, including me.

What I have a problem with are those who say, "You can't feel this or that" or "You shouldn't feel .....", they are my feelings, but again it is my responsibility to take ownership and put the right label on them. Many times we feel anger and forget that there are other contributing factors such as insecurity, fear, and grief behind it.

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I was my own worst enemy, in today, I try to be my own best friend.

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Open Minded/Stubborn

Early in recovery, I kept hearing the phrase "Keep an open mind." I don't hear it as often in today. A lot of things are this is what you should do and you need to do this. There are suggestions, but there are some darn well betters or you lapse back into old patterns or end up relapsing and picking up your drug of choice.

The stubborn part of me things, "Don't tell me what to do!" Which can be an attitude that sabotages my recovery and it is the attitude that needs to change to find spirituality. My father use to say I was more contrary than stubborn. I argued for arguments sake. It wasn`t so much stubborn in my belief, but not agreeing with you, because it meant I was wrong.

As it says in the Big Book, "...that the personality change sufficient to bring about recovery...."

I stubbornly refused to go back to where I came from. I saw so many relapsing, I had a healthy fear; until such a time I could turn it into trust in the program and know it would work for me.

My best thinking got me to the doors of recovery, so it seemed reasonable to open my mind to other concepts and ideas.

My life has been very much enriched as a result of opening my mind, remaining teachable, and willing to listen to others as to how the program worked for them.

:62:

The eagle means spirit. It also means freedom to me. Open mindedness is what brought that to me.

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Thoughtful of others vs Self-Pity

Not too sure if these go together to my way of thinking today.

I always try to be thoughtful of others even if I am having a pity party.

Feel like one of those coming on. Sick and tired of not getting answers and my mind is focused on myself and often think the worst. That happened recently when I went for blood work, only to find that everything was very good, except for my bone density.

It helped to be with or sharing with others on the phone, because I end up feeling that there are others a lot worse off physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally than I am. It sure helps to get out of self and be there for someone else.

The opposite of self-pity for me is being grateful. Not only saying it, but showing it. I think some people think I am in self-pity, but in truth, I look at it as no matter what happens in my life, I don`t have to pick up. I no longer abuse myself and others. Taking my pain out on others is not an option. Taking my pain to my God is a good option. When you share, it lessens the load, real or imagined.

This is a disease of perception. What I feel and what others perceive, is not always the same thing, so it only stands to reason, that I shouldn`t judge others and accept them for who and where they are in today.

When I am alone, there is no one to disagree with me. Sometimes you need a little push to get off the pot. Sometimes you don`t even know you are there.

Get off the pot and enjoy life as it is meant to be, happy, joyous, and free.

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Generous/Selfish

Have always been a generous person although what I gave away wasn't always my own! My father reminded me a few times over the years that it was 'his' stuff! I think my motto was, "What is yours is mine and what's mine is mine." I certainly needed a spiritual healing on this one.

Often it was paved with good intentions, but the motive and purpose wasn't always for the good of all.

I had to learn to find the difference between self-care and being selfish. I had to fill me up in order to have something to give. The difference was, not keeping it all to myself and sharing with others.

Before it was "What is in it for me and was often centered in money." Whether it was to get my drug of choice in the moment or just to satisfy my personal need for attention, validation, acceptance, etc. it all needed to be revised and touched by the Hand of my God.

http://www.support-native-american-a...l-Symbols.html

It is my understanding that the Native American belief is that the Turkey is the symbol of giving away. Turkey (Earth Eagle): Sacrifice of self for a higher purpose.

Perhaps that is why it has been a symbol at Thanksgiving and generally served at holiday feasts.

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Patient/Impatient

My life felt like I had to be put hold, and I am waiting for things to happen. I really have to guard against this, and just stay in today and not get impatient for things to come.

I have minor surgery in March and my doctor's office is phoning to let me know when I go to the sleep disorder clinic. I have been with bad results as I didn't sleep when I was suppose to, so going again. I mentioned this before, but now he feels like I need the machine for sleep apnea.

Patience has never been one of my strong points. Always wanted things yesterday, if not sooner. A friend did comment the other day that I was much more patient than I use to have. I think I was more hyper than impatient, and it is probably old age that has settled in and slowed me down.

Today, I try to wait on God's will. I can still whisper in His ear once in a while and say, "Can You give me a little hint so We both will know what is going on?"

I am reminded that I should pray and ask for patience. When I do, I get things put into my life to tolerate, so I can practice my patience.

In early recovery, when they asked for a topic for discussion, and I would always say one of the following: patience, tolerance, and acceptance. If you have the acceptance, you generally don't become impatient or intolerant.

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SOME DAYS FEEL LIKE WE DON'T GET VERY FAR. THAT IS OKAY, ALL WE ARE ASKED TO DO IS 'TRY' ONE DAY AT A TIME.

When I looked at the picture and quote above, I was reminded about how often I have felt like I wasn't getting any where. I can remember wanting to get a quick fix and make everything OK, right now. Not realizing that I didn't get this way over night and I sure won't get better over night.

It is a one day at a time program. All I can do is the best I can on each given day. Sometimes I fall short and don't put too much effort into things. Other day, I get tired thinking about what I did.

I might not get out to meetings very often, I do have a sponsor I call when she is here. At the moment she is either in California or Arizona. I talk recovery each day for 3-5 hours posting on sites on the internet and answer mail although I have been very lax in that area lately.

Every time I mention getting a scooter, my doctor(s) say, "Keep mobile as long as you can. Try to get exercise every day." I realized that if I didn't keep going, if I stopped, one day, I might not get going again. Like my body, my mind needs exercise. My spirit needs little gems over the course of the say to stay content and at peace.

Food for the body, mind and spirit. I try to be the best me I can be in today. I will never quit recovery and staying clean and sober, unfortunately, there are days I quit on me.

Honest/Dishonest

Honestly, at the moment, I am having problems getting motivated.

With my sleeping disorder, Sometimes I wake up to sunlight and other times, I am going to bed and miss a lot of it, which is why the motivation is lacking. I find myself saying, "I can't do this because.... It is very negative, and what I put out comes back to me.

Honesty is the best policy. How many times have we said that and thought, "Yahdy, Yahdy, Dah! I needed that self-honest to heal and get better. It isn't about other people, places, and things, it is about me and how I react to the situation in the moment.

Often make a list, so I wouldn't forget the things I need to discuss with my doctor, sponsor, son, etc. It isn't that I don't want to tell, I often forget. Then I forget my list, and then I feel dejected. How can I get my needs met,if he/she doesn't see the whole picture.

So often in the past, I only told people what I thought they wanted to hear. Who am I to judge? Who am I to make the decision for someone else? Then I have to ask, "Who am I to hurt someone by telling them the truth. They need to find their own answers." My sponsor always said, "Go within, you have all the answers." I would reply, "Yes but I don't always know what the question is." That is why we have sponsors! :D

I know my tongue use to be a weapon, today I try to use it to put people back together. That means being honest, speaking my truth. It is my truth and I came to realize that my truth isn't always that of others. I have a right to my own, yet in turn, to have my truth respected, I needed to respect that of others. I didn't have to agree. They didn't have to agree. We could agree to disagree.

Honesty is the best policy. Self-honesty helps me to heal and grow.

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Aware of others/Self-centered

When I am in pain, I can be on both sides of this chip. For the most part though, when in pain, I know it is best to get out of self and help others. It is a good thing that I now post on recovery sites, as I suffer from chronic pain and fatigue, I am grateful for my computer.

When I was using, it was about me with little thought of others. In today, I am much more aware and not only care, try to follow things up with action. There is feeling behind the thought.

When I haven't heard from my sister, I pick up the phone. For me, it is not good to go without contact with family for long periods of time. Unfortunately, for the most part, my family doesn't always feel the same way. Generally there is a want or a need to vent behind the call.

I try to be there for others although one night, even though I set a boundary, it was ignored and I had to reinforce it at 3 a.m. in the morning. I later felt bad, because I had to end a conversation, but the heat was getting to me and my apartment was like a sauna. If they had wanted to talk recovery, I would have made more of an effort to talk. They just wanted to talk and it sounded like they were on a pity party. If someone wants help to change,I am there, if they aren't willing, there is nothing I can do for them. When I was on the AA Help Line, I was told to not to talk to someone who was drunk. They wouldn't remember the next day, and there is just no way you can have a two sided conversation with someone who is drunk or has been using. I made exceptions some times, but only if I was in a place where I could afford to be dumped on.

I am very much guilty of not having patience and tolerance with someone who has asked for help, not taken any steps to change, and are in the same position several months and years later. When that happens, I have to say a prayer for them and for myself.

Forgiving/Resentful

"Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is
not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget
creates a new way to remember". We change the memory of our
past into a hope for our future". - - Lewis B. Smedes

Need a whole lot of work on this chip at the best of times, they say it is an Aires nature to be unforgiving. I know it is true when it comes to myself and that I can quite often get mini-resentment and have to use the tools of the program to let them go.

Realized a long time ago that I don't have to pay forever and ever about what I did in the past. It is done, I can't change it, and all I can do is try to be the best me I can be in today. No more "You owe me!" or "That's your job" or "That's your role." I don't allow others to define who I am or who I should be. When I feel like that, I know to pack the bags, and get out of there. Thank God for the program!

They say if you have a resentment against someone to pray for them for three weeks. That includes me, asking my God to heal me.

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Thanks Jo....that is a great way of putting it....I have come to a point in recovery where that mirror that others show of me..is so different from what I see in me...The past is a distant memory...I am grateful for it today since it does help others identify but I no longer hold it as a club over my head or play victim or that I deserve to be punished and put down because of "what i did" ...today I practice patience, tolerance and lots of self care...self care helps me to appreciate the person I am becoming each day..and the place I am in recovery...I am so grateful for now being able to accept compliments from others...and living in that saying on our coins..."to thine own self be true" It is hard to really look at myself sometimes...but I find more and more I am not afraid of who i am today and yes, when I am pin pointed or dragged through the past i can accept it but turn it over and yes the option to just go away is there...we have so many tools in this journey of recovery...learning to use them may take courage and patience with myself...but it does work...Peace, Schell

IDENTIFY/COMPARISON

Written on another site in June 2004

As long as I compared I stayed sick. When I identified parts of myself in others, I healed.

Our feet may have walked a different path to find recovery, but our minds often told us the same things, and our dis-ease manifested itself in many ways.

I had a little chuckle when I read about people not having what I had. Tsk! Tsk! I need people to remind me where I came from. With my memory, it is good but short. It is always good to have a reminder of where you have been and where you are in today. It is hard to believe it was written ten years ago.

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Satisfied/Greedy

Gluttony, greed - Wanting and taking too much: food, sex, time, money, comfort, leisure, material possessions, attention, security. Acquiring things (material things, relationships, attention) at the expense of others.

Yep, that was me in active addiction. God and I have been working on this in recovery. I know that when I become needy, I become greedy.

It is important that I don't allow myself to become 'needy' and recognize that my God meets my needs, anything over and above that is my wants and desires. They are okay in their place but not when it is at the expense of another.

It is nice to give myself some TLC and yet I know that I can spoil myself rotten, and that is not always good. It is not always good to be in a comfortable zone, it generally means time to change. If I get too comfortable, I become complacent. I must remember that it is a one day at a time program, and what I did 10 years ago, or even 10 days ago, doesn't help me in today, except perhaps, if I have already gone through it, a little bit smarter in how to handle things but not always. :(

Being satisfied and finding acceptance, makes me so grateful when those extra little gifts come my way.

Osho says, "Greed simply means you are feeling a deep emptiness and you want to fill it with anything possible. So drop greed, and don't be bothered about the results. Sometimes it happens that because of your impatience, you miss many things.

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- controlling attitude toward people, places and things – Trying to control others by manipulation, bribery, punishment, withholding things or tricking them into acting as we wish, even when we believe it is in their best interest to do so. Failing to be equal partners with others and to consider their knowledge and opinions.

Not sure what the correct opposite is, was searching for a word and ended getting phrases.

When I read the preface to Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, I read the preface and ran to the nearest Al-Anon meeting. It was the word control and the issues surrounding it that really stuck out. It painted a too vivid picture and one I didn't like and needed to change.

It has been a process. It is not easy to accept people, places and things for who and what they are and where they are at. The words that came to mind were, "Mind my own business."

If you have to control it, it is already out of control. :sad:

Acceptance is the key, without it I can't get beyond where I am in today. :grin:

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Patient/Impatient

This is something I have to practice daily but even more vigilant when things don't seem to be 'going' my way. I found myself out and about at the mall today and not having too much patience for the people around me. Everyone seemed to want to walk through me and it was like I was invisible even though I am pushing a walker. Everyone seems to be in such a rush to go from point A to point B and not interested in looking at the scenery or meeting the people along the way.

It reminded me of my life prior to recovery where I had tunnel vision and looked at life through rose-coloured glasses and life was all about me with no thought of anyone else.

I am careful about praying for patience as it seems my God has a sense of humour and sends things along that I have to learn to tolerate and to practice on.

Something I wrote in 2010 about trying to apply the program to my life:

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