Sponsorship Do's and Don'ts
 

WHAT DOES A SPONSOR DO?
A sponsor's primary responsibility is to help a sponsee work the 12 Steps

A sponsor helps us work the 12 Steps by providing explanation, guidance and encouragement.
A sponsor helps us get established quickly in our Fellowship by explaining basic concepts and terminology and by introducing us to other members.
A sponsor is a safe person whom we can learn to trust.
A sponsor can answer the many questions that we can have as newcomers or develop as "mid-timers."
A sponsor can help us in the process of self-examination that the Steps require.
A sponsor encourages us to read the basic text of our Fellowship and other program literature and to engage in Fellowship activities and service work.
A sponsor can monitor our progress, confront us when it is appropriate and generally help us stay on the recovery path.
A sponsor confronts our behavior, not our being, and he or she does it with compassion.
A sponsor reminds us to apply 12 Step principles in our lives.
A sponsor models the 12 Step program of recovery.
Our sponsor is available in times of crisis.
A sponsor provides practice in building relationships.
WHAT A SPONSOR DOES NOT DO:

A sponsor cannot keep us in recovery.
A sponsor is not our therapist
A sponsor should not attempt to control our lives or encourage an unhealthy dependence.
A sponsor should not take advantage of us our exploit us in any way.
SOME FACTORS TO CONSIDER IN CHOOSING A SPONSOR:

Has what we want
Lives in the solution
Walks the talk
Has a sponsor
Emphasizes the steps
Has more time in recovery than we do
Has worked more steps than we have
Is available for telephone calls and meetings
Emphasizes the spiritual aspect of the program
Gender is the same as ours*
IF A POTENTIAL SPONSOR SAYS NO:

Some reasons are:

The person is currently sponsoring as many people as he or she can handle. A sponsor who takes on too many sponsees does each of them (and himself or herself) a disservice.
The person is not taking on new sponsees because of a heavy travel schedule, a planned move, or some other reason based on where he or she is in life or the program.
After discussing the potential sponsorship, the person realizes the match would not be a good one. That conclusion is as much about the potential sponsor as it is about us.
When potential sponsors reject our request for sponsorship, it is usually about them.
It's a privilege to sponsor someone. And it's one of the ways we stay in recovery.
* This, as with all the suggestions here, is a general guideline. This may not be appropriate for recovering folk who identify as lesbian, gay, bi-sexual or transgender. Additionally, in many communities, some trusted "old-timers" may sponsor people of another gender.
J

WHAT A SPONSOR DOES

"Sponsor: a person who makes himself or herself responsible for another (Oxford Dictionary)."

Offer you a special friendship.
Be sympathetic without encouraging self pity.
Listen to your side of the story.
Accept you as you are.
Be a sounding board for your ideas.
Give a lift to your bruised ego.
Be open and honest with you.
Share experiences with you.
Encourage you to examine your choices.
Encourage you to "Keep the focus on you."
Help you to locate your emotions.
Encourage you to make as many meetings as possible.
Encourage you to have more than one plan.
Encourage you to have a positive attitude.
Encourage you to "Live in the Day."
Encourage you to remember you are human.
Discuss with you how the Serenity Prayer will work.
Discuss with you how slogans will help you get through the day.
Discuss the disease of addiction with you.
Discuss literature with you.
Discuss The Program.
Discuss how to better communicate with others.
Recommend making a gratitude list.
Remind you to work the Twelve Steps.
Support you as much as a human being can.



What You Should Do

1) Call your sponsor often. DO NOT SAVE UP YOUR PROBLEMS.
2) Call your sponsor at a time that is convenient.
3) Be specific. Don't imagine your sponsor understands.
4) If it going to be unsafe to receive a call from your sponsor, plan how you will handle the call.
5) Do not resent what your sponsor has to say just because you don't like what you are hearing.
6) Do not try to get your sponsor to come over to your house to solve a personal problem that you are having with your partner.
7) You do not have to buy your sponsors gifts.
8) Arrange to meet your sponsor sometime, somewhere to talk where you can share without being interrupted.
9) Do not resent it if your sponsor is not free to talk when you call.
10) Do not resent it if your sponsor does not call back.
11) When you choose a sponsor, choose someone to whom you can relate.
12) Do not ask everybody you meet for advice on your problems.
13) Don't expect your sponsor to know all the answers.

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