Bluidkiti's Alcohol and Drug Addictions Recovery Help/Support Forums - Why must I have a sponsor? Can't I do this on my own?

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Why must I have a sponsor? Can't I do this on my own?

This is a "we" program. --Saying Heard At Meetings

Newcomer
Why must I have a sponsor? Can't I do this on my own?

Sponsor
Sponsorship is a strong suggestion--not a rule. Yes, some people do stay in recovery without a sponsor. And no, we can't recovery on our own.
There are great advantages to taking the program suggestion to maintain a relationship with a sponsor. Recovery is a major change--it's one of the most difficult, most courageous things we can do in our lives. A sponsor, someone who's survived the ups and downs we're facing in early recovery, can serve as a guide and mentor. He or she can answer our questions and help us through the Steps, giving us the benefit of his or her experience. With a sponsor present to witness our recovery process, to offer perspective and support, we may have a gentler ride.
When I was active in my addiction, I avoided the intimacy of relationships in which I might have to open myself to others or trust them. Even at times when there were many people in my life, I managed to avoid "people situations" that made me uncomfortable. A sponsor-sponsee relationship can be the start of learning that human beings can depend on one another.

Today, I'm not alone in recovery.
--If You Want What We Have

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Why must I have a sponsor? Can't I do this on my own?

No!! I couldn't do this alone. I needed to learn how to trust and the relationship with another person helped me to learn that...first of all

then that 1-1 relationship helped me to learn to build and trust the God of my understanding so I could learn the importance of surrender, willingness acceptance and all those other vitally essential principles by watching that person take what was heard in the meetings out in life * put them into practice by utilizing them in every day life... "SEEING IS BELIEVING"...

The sponsor taught me about that really bad neighbor hood between my ears and how those old friends [Denial, Justification, Stinking thinkin, Rationalization, etc...] up there could sabotage my recovery if I continued to hang out with them or listen to them and the fact that change was within me and that change was everything and that was something I could certainly not do on my own. The sponsor encouraged me to be a part of not a part from. and praying for the guidance to do the next right thing in ALL my affairs

The list could go on and on but one of the many important lessons was that BEing the example was more important than my words, my beliefs or my opinions.

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Having a sponsor has been one thing that has been constant in my recovery, and yet ironically, the same sponsor through out my recovery hasn't happened. I have been fired, I have been taken back on, at my request. I have had an AA, NA, and Al-Anon sponsor, I have had an AA, and an AA co-Sponsor, a Native American woman I was working with at the time, different combinations, my second Al-Anon sponsor passed away on Monday. My 1st Al-Anon sponsor and I were co-sponsoring each other when she passed away.

When I asked the sponsor who passed away to go through the Blue Prints to Progress by Al-Anon and she dropped me as a sponsee. She said she had nothing to give me. I had trouble understanding it. We had about the same time in the fellowship, we had both come from abusive marriages and we both had sons who were addicts. She told me that every time I shared at a meeting, her mouth was opened in awe with what I shared, and I couldn't understand this because we both had about the same amount of time in the program. I wish we could have shared more.

Several sponsor relationships I felt used, they only had time for me if I came over and did something for them. One sponsor I typed and sorted papers for her job. Another sponsor expected me to get her rides, invite her for meals, and a lot of things were conditional. The one who fired me lived in the west end and I had moved to the east end for a short period and she said she didn't see me at her meetings, so she let me go. I was only there about 2 years and I was back in the same area. It was meant to be, because I has some very important contact during that time.

I will always remember my first Native American sponsor who use to say two things to me. If you are doubting yourself, you are doubting God. The other was, "JoAnne, are you still intellectualizing? Stop it!"

Tonight I had the thought to call my sponsor twice but for some reason, I didn't. I will call tomorrow hopefully, and will find that she is alright. If I was suppose to have made that call I would have, I hope and pray a prayer was enough. Maybe it was because I saw my AA sponsor in my lobby tonight. I never call her. Haven't fired her, don't even have her number to call her any more since I deleted all the calls on my directory by mistake. A good way to let go. She came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder and she reeked of smoke. One of the reasons I don't sit down and talk with her. I see her friend who lives in my building more often than I see her. I have issues with my sponsor because of two of her active addictions, that she feels comfortable with, so I had to detach and let go. My focus has been Al-Anon, but I know when I need it, I will rush to the nearest AA meeting.

Tonight I was talking to my son and my pharmacist. I said, "I was going to become a drunken old lady and get rid of my shakes, because the rheumatologist and neurologist, both told me for years, that my shakes would go away, if I picked up a drink. A couple of nights ago I had to stab my food with my fork to get it to stay on long enough to get it to my mouth. Some days it gets to be frustrating. Some days acceptance just isn't always there when you want it and is slow in coming.

The lies we tell ourselves, that become our honest truth. They are so steeped with our cross our heart and hoping, we can't see the BS from the buckwheat, at least I think that is the saying.

It has been so important for me to have that one special person I can go to and share. When she wasn't available I had large support network I could go to because picking up was never an option.

Posted on another site June 13, 2012.

Not sure if this is a repeat or not.

This is why I appreciate this site. I can come here and share. It helps me and hopefully, it will help someone else.

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Your sponsor helped you up. Don't let them down.

- Walk Softly and Carry a Big Book

A sponsor was a big part of my recovery. I don't think I would have stayed clean and sober without them. I had an AA sponsor and co-sponsor. a NA sponsor, an Al-Anon sponsor and a Service sponsor.

I was one of the really sick ones and needed a lot of people. They loved me back to good health. They loved me when I couldn't love myself.

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I think a lot of us laugh because if we didn't we would cry and for some reason, that never seemed to be an option. Old tapes keep us sick. Tears are healing. They are even more so when they are tears of Joy!

Things like that need to be shared. Because those tears can be attached to good and not so good memories and a sponsor can help you through it. Sponsors so often see what we can't see and know ourselves. They are our sounding board, and can be our safe place so we can share and not be alone.

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When I was in recovery center, I was with my wife.
I'm so thankful to her. I want to tell you that WE did it Together. I don't know how it could be if it was there alone... In the center she was on meetings with other sponsors and had qualified psychotherapy sessions. They listened to the therapist how to live with addicted person. They shared their stories and she was happy to be there with me. I was happy to know that she knows how I fighting for our future. Now she is my best friend, we are close more then ever.